Posts Tagged With: funny

The #1 Weirdest Thing about Writing a Book Series (and It’s Not What You Think)

Greyson Carter - It Happened One Doomsday

Greyson Carter. Restores old cars. Rescues stray animals. Often forgets to shave. Happens to be cursed to bring about the end of the world.

In my Dru Jasper urban fantasy series, one of my lead characters is Greyson, a half-demon mechanic with a possessed muscle car.

He’s your archetypal tough guy. He always wears a black leather jacket and aviator sunglasses.

Which is cool. Right up until the moment the leather jacket gets destroyed.

Torched by magic. Slashed by an evil monster. Burst apart at the seams as Greyson himself is transformed into a hulking evil creature by the forces of darkness.

This causes a major wardrobe problem.

Because what is he going to wear now?

Does he run around half-naked? Borrow someone else’s shirt? Go shopping for a new leather jacket?

When you write a standalone short story or novel, you can pretty much do anything you want with the characters without worrying about how that impacts the story in the future. Because there is no future.

But when you write a book series, that all changes. Bizarre things start happening.

Suddenly you start worrying about continuity like you never have before. Little creative decisions that you make on the spur of the moment can have a ripple effect that impacts the story in every book to come.

It’s silly to think that losing a leather jacket in Book 1 turns out to be a real headache in Book 2, but it’s true.

In the movie The Last Action Hero, there’s a funny moment when Arnold Schwarzenegger opens up a closet and it’s packed with nothing but identical leather jackets. Because that’s all his character ever wears.

Such an elegant solution.

How did I eventually solve my problem? Greyson spends a good chunk of the book without a shirt, which leads to so many great moments: funny, sexy, awkward, but mostly a lot of fun.

Now, it’s too soon for me to reveal how I solved the wardrobe conundrum in Book 2. But I had to figure out a convincing way to get a half-naked Greyson back into his signature leather jacket and sunglasses — fast.

Trust me, it wasn’t easy. But it was pretty amusing.

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Categories: It Happened One Doomsday | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

What Do Men Really Think About Your Hair?

My next book is so new that even the title isn’t settled yet.

what men really think about your hair

Watch what happens when he runs out of shampoo.

But my agent sent me a nice note about how well I pulled off the simmering romantic tension between the lead characters.

Considering that the point-of-view character is a smart young woman, and I’m a guy (in my case, smart and young are arguable), this was quite a compliment.

And it got me thinking:

How do authors write about characters of the opposite gender?

Continue reading

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Best new TV show: Downton Zombie!

Downton Zombie

Not an actual show. But it should be!

England, 1914 . . .

LORD GRANTHAM: Something seems a bit off with the new footman, wouldn’t you say, my dear?


LADY GRANTHAM: My word. Mr. Bates, look out!


MR. BATES: Perfectly all right, thank you. Don’t concern yourself.

LADY GRANTHAM: Thomas, go help Mr. Bates.

THOMAS: Begging your pardon, your ladyship, I’ll not be helping the likes of him if he’s been bit.

LORD GRANTHAM: He hasn’t been bitten yet. Bates, good chap, use your cane!


MR. BATES: Very good, m’lord. (WHACK! WHACK!)

LORD GRANTHAM: In the HEAD, man! At once!


ZOMBIE: Uuuurghh . . . (THUMP)

(They all stare.)

CARSON: My lord, would it be acceptable to barricade the staff in the kitchen?

LORD GRANTHAM: Perfectly acceptable, Carson. Meantime, shall we all retire to the drawing room?

Your vote: who would be the first to go?

Who do you think would be the first character to get bitten on Downton Zombie? Who should be first? Leave a comment!

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How hot are these PRUNES? Fahrenheit 451!

Ray Bradbury never said anything about prunes.  How do we know?  He said so!

And (just in case you need it) here’s a link:

Just when you thought the Sixties couldn’t get any weirder . . .

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Why I’m wanted for murder!

Fresh on the heels of “They Fight Crime!” comes the Instant True Story Generator by Nathaniel Jones.  Go ahead, click it.  You deserve a laugh.

Shakespeare this is not.  In fact, when I read this, I hear the voice of Napoleon Dynamite (“Gosh!”).  But for random computer-generated hi jinks, this is pretty funny stuff.  Here’s what I got:

“One time while I was in ‘Nam, while fighting a dragon, I happened to hear on the television that I was wanted for murder! And I was like, ‘geeze, not again.’ After that my animal instinct kicked in and I turned this to my advantage and showed off my kung fu moves.

“But the real show stopper was this: my car broke down. And when I say broke down, I mean that when I turned it on, it exploded in a huge ball of fire that caused millions of dollars in property damage. It’s just a good thing I had my seat belt on, or I could have died right then. Luckily, my new fighting technique is unstoppable and so I was able to make the world a better place for all the little children.

“And, to make a long story short, that’s why I get free coffee now.”

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The Pasta Bible: Soylent Green really IS people!

The grand tradition of Soylent Green and “To Serve Man” has just had an unlikely addition: The Pasta Bible.  A cannibal-friendly typo has caused quite a bit of controversy in Australia this week.  Read it for yourself:

Forget fava beans and a nice Chianti; just add sardines and a little prosciutto, apparently.  Yikes!

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