Shakespeare this is not. In fact, when I read this, I hear the voice of Napoleon Dynamite (“Gosh!”). But for random computer-generated hi jinks, this is pretty funny stuff. Here’s what I got:
“One time while I was in ‘Nam, while fighting a dragon, I happened to hear on the television that I was wanted for murder! And I was like, ‘geeze, not again.’ After that my animal instinct kicked in and I turned this to my advantage and showed off my kung fu moves.
“But the real show stopper was this: my car broke down. And when I say broke down, I mean that when I turned it on, it exploded in a huge ball of fire that caused millions of dollars in property damage. It’s just a good thing I had my seat belt on, or I could have died right then. Luckily, my new fighting technique is unstoppable and so I was able to make the world a better place for all the little children.
“And, to make a long story short, that’s why I get free coffee now.”