Best new TV show: Downton Zombie!

Downton Zombie

Not an actual show. But it should be!

England, 1914 . . .

LORD GRANTHAM: Something seems a bit off with the new footman, wouldn’t you say, my dear?

ZOMBIE: RRRGH! AARR!

LADY GRANTHAM: My word. Mr. Bates, look out!

ZOMBIE: MMRAAH!

MR. BATES: Perfectly all right, thank you. Don’t concern yourself.

LADY GRANTHAM: Thomas, go help Mr. Bates.

THOMAS: Begging your pardon, your ladyship, I’ll not be helping the likes of him if he’s been bit.

LORD GRANTHAM: He hasn’t been bitten yet. Bates, good chap, use your cane!

ZOMBIE: RAARGH!

MR. BATES: Very good, m’lord. (WHACK! WHACK!)

LORD GRANTHAM: In the HEAD, man! At once!

MR. BATES: (WHACK! WHACK! CRACK!)

ZOMBIE: Uuuurghh . . . (THUMP)

(They all stare.)

CARSON: My lord, would it be acceptable to barricade the staff in the kitchen?

LORD GRANTHAM: Perfectly acceptable, Carson. Meantime, shall we all retire to the drawing room?

Your vote: who would be the first to go?

Who do you think would be the first character to get bitten on Downton Zombie? Who should be first? Leave a comment!

Get more fun stuff in your email.

Don’t forget to join my mailing list — you’ll get free e-books and other cool stuff in your email. Just click here.

 

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Do you review books on Amazon?

book reviewers needed, free ebooks

Funny, now it says: ɟǝᴉɥ┴ ɹǝpᴉdS ǝɥ┴

Want to make your opinion heard?

Want a free ebook?

If you’re interested in reviewing The Spider Thief on Amazon.com or Goodreads — and getting free review copies — just send me a link to your book review site, or to any reviews you’ve posted online.

Click here to contact me. >

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You could win The Spider Thief: Omnibus!

The Spider Thief Omnibus paperback

For the first time, The Spider Thief: Omnibus collects all four novellas into one gripping novel!

I’m super-excited to announce my new book, The Spider Thief: Omnibus, a collection of the first four Spider Thief novellas. To celebrate, I’m giving away copies to four lucky subscribers!

No purchase necessary — just sign up for my newsletter.

Bonus: this special omnibus edition also includes the opening chapters of Conspiracy of Angels. “Uber-cool!” (bestselling author J.A. Konrath).

What it’s all about:

When an outlaw unearths an ancient gold spider statue and falls prey to its memory-stealing curse, his only shot at survival lies with the woman he left behind years ago — a highly-trained agent harboring a deadly secret. A gripping serial thriller from “a new talent well worth exploring deep into the night.” (NYT bestselling author James Rollins).

The Spider Thief on Amazon.com >>

Bonus: get Part 1 FREE on Amazon.com until 4/13/14! >>

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Framed For Murder — What Would You Do?

Read about The Spider Thief on FreshFiction.com

What if you could prove your ex was framed for murder?

The fine folks over at FreshFiction.com invited me to do a guest post about The Spider Thief series, and I’m happy to oblige! –L.

Pop quiz: Do authors really imagine complex characters from the ground up, with mysterious backstories and intricately detailed biographies? Or do they just make everything up as they go along?

(Or do they create thinly-veiled versions of their friends and family, and torture them vicariously on the page?)

Click here to read the rest on FreshFiction.com >>

 

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How to Outline a Novel (Even If You Hate Outlines)

how to outline a novel

Outlining a novel is kind of like building a wall — one brick at a time. Flying monkeys optional.

Getting overwhelmed at the prospect of starting (or finishing) your novel? Feeling the pressure of hundreds of blank pages staring at you, waiting to be filled?

No sweat. Planning out a story is like building a wall:

You just do it one block at a time.

Just like a towering brick wall is made up of individual bricks, your manuscript is made up of individual parts.

You just have to break it down into small, easy-to-handle chunks, and then build it up from there. Here’s how.

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Categories: For Writers, writing a book, writing a novel, how to write a book, how to write a novel, writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’s here: The Spider Thief, Part 2: Haunted Dreams

The Spider Thief, Part 2: Haunted Dreams

Available now on Amazon.com

All of his life, Ash has been haunted by the ancient curse that killed his parents . . .

Ash is a Robin Hood-style con artist who rips off the worst kind of crooks and uses the money to help their victims. He’s unearthed an ancient gold spider statue with the power to erase the past . . . change the future . . . perhaps even grant eternal life. But its curse has stolen Ash’s memories.

Continue reading

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The Spider Thief, Part 1: Stolen Memory releases today!

My new book is here – The Spider Thief, Part 1: Stolen Memory — and it releases today exclusively on Amazon.com.

The Spider Thief is a series of four interlinked novellas, and you can read them alone or all in a row. Every week, a new installment releases on Amazon.

Here’s the lowdown from my world-class literary agent, Kristin Nelson:

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It’s World Book Day–Get a Free E-Book!

It takes a lot to make a guy like me blush.

In celebration of World Book Day and Read an E-Book Week, the ever-awesome Booktrack.com has named me a Booktrack Star.

Aw, shucks.

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My Dinner with Satan

Dinner with Satan ... or is it Seitan?

It’s pronounced SAY-TAHN. Yeah, it is.

I recently discovered, much to my dismay, that I had eaten Satan for dinner.

This is a true story. Allow me to explain.

In the midst of a snowstorm, my wife and I decided to try a new restaurant.

We ended up at a brightly lit, very mod, hipster-friendly place that put an emphasis on fresh food.

Hey, I’m cool. I love fresh food.

But what landed on my table bore no resemblance, by any stretch of imagination, to the gyro I had ordered. Continue reading

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The Art of Getting Things Done

Sun Tzu Ruined My Life

Don’t make them get medieval on you!

Sun Tzu ruined my life.

Don’t get me wrong, “The Art of War” contains some gems of insight for anyone engaged in a difficult struggle, like running a business.

(Or fighting a war with chariots and spears.)

But the problem is that Sun Tzu puts a great deal of emphasis on lightning-fast strikes intended to leave the enemy off-balance and lead to a swift victory. He recommends avoiding a prolonged conflict at all costs.

And he makes some good points.

But sometimes, you can only win the battle — or write a book — with a slow and steady application of force.

Continue reading

Categories: book business, For Writers, how to write a book, how to write a novel, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

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